After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
