did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
