You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
