on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
