saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
