Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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