sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
