so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
