sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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