i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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