I cockslap morals
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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