I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
