And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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