We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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