that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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