My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
