Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
