You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize