Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
