I wish I could teleport
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
