I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
