He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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