So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
