My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
