I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
is wine microwaveable?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
