I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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