Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
