I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
