Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize