u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My penis needs a shock collar
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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