I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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