Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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