Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
