then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
