I wish my penis had an off switch
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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