he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
