I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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