I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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