She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
