i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize