remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I could fuck to npr.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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