So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
