Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
