I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
