If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
