Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
