1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Randomize
