Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
