Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
