like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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