If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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