I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
