I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
