ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need moral support for this bender
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
