Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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