Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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