I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
