Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize