nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
