I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize