Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
