i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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