This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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