so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
