I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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