Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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