Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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