You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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