he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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