oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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