I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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