That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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