'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize