After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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