i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
