that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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