Pants 0. Shit 1.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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