Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
