Kiss
Puke
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
