no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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