She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
