If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
