Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
