You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize