oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
