I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Boobs speak an international language.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
