..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
