Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
