Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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