Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
