We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
