checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
