i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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