You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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