he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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