Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
