I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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