im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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