if i died would you start the facebook group?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
