i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
