i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
