Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
