I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
