Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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