I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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